Grammar Police

Occasionally, I see posts on Facebook or elsewhere that get some of the most basic but also most frequently confused grammatical usages wrong — things of the your/you’re or the their/they’re/there variety. As a reasonably proficient practitioner of the English language, I’d like to apply for some kind of button on these services that would let me go in and quietly correct these things.

I should be clear: I have no interest in being a grammar troll. Some people just can’t keep the rules straight or simply aren’t interested in worrying about getting these things right. I’m actually more or less ok with that. But I also don’t necessarily want to see the mistakes take root in the wild (impressionable people read this stuff). I’d also like to protect people from the grammar trolls who’ll otherwise come along and correct them with a public sneer.

So my application here is to be a sort of benign grammar police, more of a grammar elf who fixes things without calling attention to them. Although I’ve at times been mildly amused by the people who go into public with Sharpie pens to ostentatiously correct signage, I’m also really turned off by them because they’re calling attention to their own alleged superiority, which is mostly just tacky. I want a simple button that lets me gently repair the little boo-boos with a sweet, sincere little thought to myself: There, friend. None but the two of us need ever know.